Pain and Rejection to Sweetly Broken

        Today I am packing to move listening to Micheal Jackson and dancing! So fun for me, but it reminds me of my old self a little. Dancing in bars, not really caring about myself or anyone else. Let me start with 8th grade.  My 8th grade year was so amazing, I met the best small group leader I could ask for, I gave my Heart to the Lord at TCBY, and I was dating the most popular guy in school.  What more could a girl ask for?  I had a so-called real relationship with the Lord, but I was so concerned about my leader and what she thought of me.  If I said the right thing, or did the right thing.  That was me putting her before the Lord.  That was a huge mistake on my part because I never really got to know the Lord like I do now.  My mom moved to a different county when I had to start 9th grade (HIGHSCHOOL!!), so I was in a different high school than all of my friends. 

        Again, I felt left out and I was going somewhere else, the unknown.  My first year of high school was rough, started to hang out with the "cool" kids, which really means the kids that smoke weed and drink!  I wanted to fit in so bad and not let anyone know how sad and unhappy I was there without my real friends.  After many letters and pleading I was able to attend Nease which was a huge change again, I finally was at the school where my real friends were.  The day I started I was invisible, not one of them talked to me. I sat in the bathroom a lot to eat lunch, I was so afraid to confront any of my friends because of the choices I was making. I dont want to make them sound horrible, because I disconnected from them early in my 9th grade year.  I didnt want to hang out with friends that didnt want to party.  I hung out with some new people when I started Sophmore year at Nease.  My high school years consisted of drinking, hanging out with my boyfriend, having sex, and failing every class.  I was more concerened with getting drunk, working and hanging out with my boyfriend.  My first boyfriend was acctually sweet and nice to me.  I met him at work, I ignored all my friends to be with him.  Amazing how well that turns out for you! 

       After barely graduation highschool, I went on to managing a restaraunt.  Years and years of snorting cocaine, drinking and having sex with any man that would give me attention and affection.  

       Throughout all the heartache, depression, and not knowing me or the Lord .  I ended up with 2 abortions, an STD, addicted to cocaine and used drinking mostly to not feel.

       Today I dance to the music of Micheal Jackson but I free now!

       I tell you this because I want to be real and know that throughout my pain I have a father who is so pleased with me and did and forever will LOVE me and never give up on me.

More to come....Thanks for listening

-Lex-

By the way I put a link to a Ministry called Women Getting Real, a ministry that is about meeting a real god in real life.