http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Pla_MQNfQ0
Please watch it is amazing.
"If you do not stand firm in your faith, You WILL NOT STAND AT ALL."
-Isaiah 7:1
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Sweet Kiss
Today I was babysitting my friend Kristen’s youngest daughter Sara who is 2 . She is sweet, and the Lord set her and I up today. She and I were lying on the couch watching cartoons and she reached over and started rubbing my hand and arm. During her holding my hand I had a million things brewing in my head about getting my U-Haul for moving, money, saying bye to people, what the Lord has for me in Chattanooga and nine million more to go. But he second she held my hand everything in my crazy mind stopped and he said,
“I got you, and I love you” that was just what I needed from the Lord, So sweet.
It was a touch from my father that will never be forgotten, well I say that and I could be lying. He has given me so many kisses and I forget them all the time. Do you forget what the Lord does for you? Do you write them down? Do you thank Him? Do YOU love on the Lord?
Every day I think of my two kids in heaven dancing with the Lord, saying
“Dad, love on my mom today.”
Crazy to some people but to others, just a personal relationship that I have with Him, so when I ask these questions I am really asking myself, do I remember? Do I write them down? Do I love on him?
The answer for me is, no. Guess I am going to start a new journal!!
Have a Good night! Pray for a smooth move Friday!!
-Lex-
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Pain and Rejection to Sweetly Broken
Today I am packing to move listening to Micheal Jackson and dancing! So fun for me, but it reminds me of my old self a little. Dancing in bars, not really caring about myself or anyone else. Let me start with 8th grade. My 8th grade year was so amazing, I met the best small group leader I could ask for, I gave my Heart to the Lord at TCBY, and I was dating the most popular guy in school. What more could a girl ask for? I had a so-called real relationship with the Lord, but I was so concerned about my leader and what she thought of me. If I said the right thing, or did the right thing. That was me putting her before the Lord. That was a huge mistake on my part because I never really got to know the Lord like I do now. My mom moved to a different county when I had to start 9th grade (HIGHSCHOOL!!), so I was in a different high school than all of my friends.
Again, I felt left out and I was going somewhere else, the unknown. My first year of high school was rough, started to hang out with the "cool" kids, which really means the kids that smoke weed and drink! I wanted to fit in so bad and not let anyone know how sad and unhappy I was there without my real friends. After many letters and pleading I was able to attend Nease which was a huge change again, I finally was at the school where my real friends were. The day I started I was invisible, not one of them talked to me. I sat in the bathroom a lot to eat lunch, I was so afraid to confront any of my friends because of the choices I was making. I dont want to make them sound horrible, because I disconnected from them early in my 9th grade year. I didnt want to hang out with friends that didnt want to party. I hung out with some new people when I started Sophmore year at Nease. My high school years consisted of drinking, hanging out with my boyfriend, having sex, and failing every class. I was more concerened with getting drunk, working and hanging out with my boyfriend. My first boyfriend was acctually sweet and nice to me. I met him at work, I ignored all my friends to be with him. Amazing how well that turns out for you!
After barely graduation highschool, I went on to managing a restaraunt. Years and years of snorting cocaine, drinking and having sex with any man that would give me attention and affection.
Throughout all the heartache, depression, and not knowing me or the Lord . I ended up with 2 abortions, an STD, addicted to cocaine and used drinking mostly to not feel.
Today I dance to the music of Micheal Jackson but I free now!
I tell you this because I want to be real and know that throughout my pain I have a father who is so pleased with me and did and forever will LOVE me and never give up on me.
More to come....Thanks for listening
-Lex-
By the way I put a link to a Ministry called Women Getting Real, a ministry that is about meeting a real god in real life.
Again, I felt left out and I was going somewhere else, the unknown. My first year of high school was rough, started to hang out with the "cool" kids, which really means the kids that smoke weed and drink! I wanted to fit in so bad and not let anyone know how sad and unhappy I was there without my real friends. After many letters and pleading I was able to attend Nease which was a huge change again, I finally was at the school where my real friends were. The day I started I was invisible, not one of them talked to me. I sat in the bathroom a lot to eat lunch, I was so afraid to confront any of my friends because of the choices I was making. I dont want to make them sound horrible, because I disconnected from them early in my 9th grade year. I didnt want to hang out with friends that didnt want to party. I hung out with some new people when I started Sophmore year at Nease. My high school years consisted of drinking, hanging out with my boyfriend, having sex, and failing every class. I was more concerened with getting drunk, working and hanging out with my boyfriend. My first boyfriend was acctually sweet and nice to me. I met him at work, I ignored all my friends to be with him. Amazing how well that turns out for you!
After barely graduation highschool, I went on to managing a restaraunt. Years and years of snorting cocaine, drinking and having sex with any man that would give me attention and affection.
Throughout all the heartache, depression, and not knowing me or the Lord . I ended up with 2 abortions, an STD, addicted to cocaine and used drinking mostly to not feel.
Today I dance to the music of Micheal Jackson but I free now!
I tell you this because I want to be real and know that throughout my pain I have a father who is so pleased with me and did and forever will LOVE me and never give up on me.
More to come....Thanks for listening
-Lex-
By the way I put a link to a Ministry called Women Getting Real, a ministry that is about meeting a real god in real life.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Short and Sweet today....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH6zN4pMrhw
Please listen close and hear what happened when the child's mother went into the abortion clinic.
Have a good day! Thanks for listening.
2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people who called by My name will humble themselves and pray to seek My face and turn from there wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
-Lex-
Please listen close and hear what happened when the child's mother went into the abortion clinic.
Have a good day! Thanks for listening.
2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people who called by My name will humble themselves and pray to seek My face and turn from there wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
-Lex-
Saturday, October 2, 2010
From day one...more to come
Growing up with a single mom and 2 older brothers and a sister was really tough in many ways. I was born in July 1985, I was brought into this world by an amazing mother Willa. The day I was born was the same very day that my father lost his job. My mom had to find work and come home and breast feed back and forth for months. Doctors say that the first 3 months of being born is crucial for a mother and the child to connect. I was unfortunately under the care of my father for many years he didn’t have any milk for me what good was he! My mom supported all of us for years. My parents got a divorce when I was 6, it was a blur for me and was very clear in many ways. We moved from Canada to US-FL in 1993, my mom had to work full time and which meant that my brothers and sister were present during a lot of my years growing up. From what I remember my mom was always so tired. She did her best, she kept food on the table, roof overhead my head and clothes on my back. Throughout many years of typical sibling fights, watching my brothers and sister grow up I was left in the dust. My family would disagree with me but who really knows what happened, might have been in my head! But I felt it for sure.
Growing up for me was nice and when I say nice it was a lot of rejection, abandonment, but there was such a bond that my family and I shared throughout the years. I remember the first day of school in Florida my brother Derek and I went to the same school, he was in 5th grade and I was in 3rd, I was very nervous that day. He held my hand and protected me the best way he knew how to. Walked me to every class change and picked me up to get the bus home. Derek has a sweet and giving soul. Fifth grade came fast, I was ready for middle school I met some great friends one friend I will never forget is Lindsey Folladori. We met on a blanket at our brother’s soccer game in 3rd
grade; we loved each other so much and couldn’t be apart. When fifth grade started Lindsey and I was getting ready to be “big girls” we were on our way to Middle School. Until the day we had one of those lovely parent teacher conferences. It was mainly about how I am different from all the other kids and didn’t “get it” like everyone else did apparently I was slow learner. A decision had to be made and my mom decided to hold me back in 5th grade again. What a joy that was, walking to the bus for the second year in a row, let me remind you all my friends went to middle school and here I was getting on the elementary bus with the bus driver Mrs. Bass saying,
“ Alexa what are you doing here, again?” with her long black hair and eyes bulging out of her head when she saw me. Shit didn’t she get the memo or at least a heads up to not embarrass the stupid kid.
It was a great bus ride, I broke out in hives, nervous as hell, started my sweating issue, could have peed myself and best part of it I sat in the front of the bus, we all know that you must be really cool to sit near the bus driver who knows your damn name. The second best part about repeating 5th grade was the principle called me in the office and said,
“Since you’re the oldest and you were here last year you can say the pledge of allegiance every morning on the intercom”
Like that made me feel better. Great now everyone can see I didn’t go to Middle School no confusion at all now. Shit hit the fan starting then.
Second year of fifth grade turned out to be kind of fun for me, I was the cool kid who knew all about Rawlings Elementery , because I was there for fifteen years! Well really 4. Still a long time to be learning to multiplication and subtraction numbers!
This is just the begining of my story! I hope you enjoyed the humor in this. Have a good day!
Thanks for reading
They will be a garland to grace your head
and a chain to adorn your neck.
Proverbs 1:9
-Lex-
Friday, October 1, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)