Set Up

Still trying to stand in the waves and feel the Lord's presence.  I have been "busy" really too busy.  I am planning the Fundraiser for Women Getting Real, Writing for Sweetly Broken Retreat, work and just doing life.  I went to Abiding Glory tonight to meet Jana to look at the space for the event.  I walked in and there were people walking around and waiting for something special (I felt they were!).  As I walked around scoping the place out (by the way if you are going to the Fundraiser it is an amazing place), I felt my heart calm down and my soul felt at ease.  I didn't know what it was until, they started worship.
  I was there to map out, get ideas and work on the event.  Well, I thought I was.  The Lord had a different thought in mind.  They sang with so much heart and passion.  The people started coming up to sing, dance and praise the Lord.  It was freeing to just watch so many different people worshiping in their own way.  I sat watching.  I was in awe of the freedom in that place. 
I am a dancer and a mover when it comes to worshiping, but I have never seen so much heart in worshiping.
I still sat down, my legs didn't move.  I was stuck to close my eyes and listen. 
In that moment part of my heart changed.  I am in a rut, almost like Jonah in the Whale.  Smelly, gross, mushy and dark. 
At that moment everything looked different.  It was a supernatural experience.  On the outside looking at me you wouldn't see anything different.  But on the inside, I was in awe.  I saw light, a new journey and a different God.
I heard Him speak (which has been a while!), I have courage, strength and passion.  There is a new way for me, out of the Whale and into the land to shine.  I am refreshed, loved and more vision on where we are going.   I was set up to see light. I was set up for transformation. I was set up with my father to love on me.  I was set up to soak. I was set up for more freedom.

I was set up for more walls to fall.

Thank You Lord, thank you.

Retreat!!!

 Sweetly Broken Testimony- Video Link to me and Lord's Journey

Sweetly Broken Retreats are announced

March & November

I will keep you posted on exact dates, if you are considering on going and are wanting to ask questions, please email me

alexastephenson11@gmail.com

Move

I pray that I sing this everyday!

Sing along and Dance.

Move-Click for  Video and song

I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days
I wont stop, I'll keep my head up
No, I'm not here to stay
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move [gonna move]

Ive got to hold it steady
Keep my head in the game
Everything is about to change
Everything is about to change

This burdens getting heavy
But I'm not about to cave
Everything's about to change
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

No matter what may come
Gotta move to a different drum
No matter what life brings
Gotta move gotta move to a different beat
Gotta move gotta move to a different beat

I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face

When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

Gonna move [Gonna move] ....

The waves are crashing on me, but I still stand strong

Most people say that the ocean reminds them of Grace.  Sometimes the ocean is quiet and soft, sometimes its almost a sweet ocean with smooth waves crashing, and then there are times when the ocean is raging. 
I was in Florida about a week ago.  I went to the beach as much as possible.  When I lived there I never took advantage of it.  I was determined that I would go everyday.  I made is almost everyday, it was great to sit by myself and process.  I laid out, read and played!  I went into the ocean several times.  The waves were big, loud and rough. It felt so good to be tossed and turned in the waves.  It was comfortable for me.  I wasn't scared or nervous I was just OK being tossed.  Then I got really tired being tossed around.  I needed to place my feet on the bottom of the ocean to get balance and grip to keep standing.  I had to figure out where I felt the most safe and being a little dangerous at the same time.  I finally found my footing.  Standing there I can see the raging waves slowing coming towards me.  I got a little nervous, I didn't want to loose my footing and balance.  A wave was coming I heard the roar, I looked the other way for just a second and I was under the wave, knocked off my feet under water flailing around underwater, couldn't breathe, not knowing how far I have gone from my "spot" of balance. 

I got out of the wave and surprisingly I was not too far from there I was.  I swam back to the spot and by that point after the craziness underwater mess happened, I was set on paying attention to the waves coming ahead.

Another wave came and I jumped as it hit me and I was back down.  Another one, then another one came, it was constant crashing and loosing a little balance but every time I got better and every time it got a little easier.  Never easy, never perfect but better and more enjoyable playing in the ocean.

You see, I am in this season of messy messy business.  Memories are being brought back, hurts that I pushed down, trauma that I will face but, healing and freedom will come.  He promised.

I have always given up, flaked out or blamed other people of why I can't do something.  I am in the season of getting well.  No blame, no flaking  out and no giving up.  It is comfortable for me to be tossed, turned and barely breathing.  It is not fun anymore.  I want to have my footing and keep my balance.  I got really tired and needing to GET REAL with the Lord and myself.  I have to keep watching when the enemy's waves are coming at me, sometimes I can see it from far away.  Then there are some days that I don't know they are coming.  God has my footing and balance.  I just have to trust and know that I am worth fighting for.  He is fighting for me and holding my waist when the waves come crashing on me or around me.  I am willing to have Him hold me, I am FINALLY willing with open hands to let Him do what He is best at, rescuing, leading and loving me well.

I pray not for comfort, not ease not even manageable.  I ask to be given a task that will keep me learning and growing and uncomfortable and hungry.  I pray to stay in the place of balance but prepared for the raging seas ahead.

HE"S GOT ME!!!

Do I have permission to be a mess with the Lord?

I have been on the journey with the Lord for many years, for the past two years I have been on an intimate journey with Him.  I have received healing in many areas, have many god stories to share and I have a great community.  You would ask why is she a mess?  Easy question for me to answer.  I have stuffed, shoved, buried and hidden "crap" from my past for too long.  I have never given myself the permission to simply be a mess.  I have strategically walked around, jumped over and ignored the pile of poop that I am hiding.  Two weekends ago the poop came.  It came fast, out loud and our there for everyone to see.  I had to sit in the mess, feel it, experience it and most of all talk about it.  I felt so much pain, trauma and hurt.  My prayer was for me for once to really really FEEL the pain and walk with the Lord in it.  Obviously some days I try to ignore it, keep stuffing and use my shovel and dig a bigger hole.  In this new season I am walking into I am no longer that Alexa.  He is bringing me out into the open.  I am a mess in the open.  How embarrassing.  I feel like I failed or I didn't follow the "steps" of Christianity, which I know is a lie.  The mess is uncomfortable and sometimes unbearable.  I know I am going to see freedom in all this (at least I have hope!), but today is a day where I cannot breathe.  I am tired of praying.  I don't think I am worthy of anything.

 I was in small group tonight (which I went kicking and screaming) and we were talking about healing and how we are His clay and He is the potter.  I want to stay on the spool and let Him work on me, I truly do.  I want Him to mold me into who He has called me to be.  I really do.  I feel as if He doesn't want to keep soaking me in His living water to keep me on the spool (which is a lie also).  You know when you see an artist with the clay on the wheel, and the clay starts flopping around everywhere and the artist has to gently grab and bring the clay back. 
I am flopping and He is bringing me back and shaping, gently.

I do have permission to be a mess with the Lord.  I am His clay.  I may be flopping but for once I am choosing to be messy.  He has me and I have Him.  He will keep working and molding.  I pray that I give myself the permission everyday to be messy and most of all willing to let Him work. 

Thanks for letting me share.