The old creeps up!

Old has Gone...New will come

Song of Songs 2:10-13

Get up, my dear friend (Alexa),  fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing!Spring warblers are filling the forest  with sweet arpeggios.Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed,    and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms.Oh, get up, dear friend,    my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!Come, my shy and modest dove—    leave your seclusion, come out in the open.Let me see your face, let me hear your voice.For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.

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Why do we go back to the old? Old behaviors, old habits, old coping, old posture and old self.  When we fall back into the old self, something happens...Someone hurt us or we hurt someone.
When that happens we run to the old. It's more comfortable, known and familiar.
Tonight I ran to the old, I immediately turned into a bratty 14 year old who didn't get their way and shoved my feelings down to not feel.  If you can picture this....

That was happening to me on the inside and the person I was acting like that to would tell you I was acting like this on the outside too:(

Here is how it all started, like usual going back to the old looks a little like this.

Someone (very close to me) is doing something that makes me "feel" unwanted.

Then I feel insecure, then I try to rationalize whats about to happen when I throw a tantrum. Then the person asks, "you ok?" I say "Yup, i just don't want to talk about it" (famous stuffing our feelings line!)  Then I start slamming items around, huffing and puffing..My goal is to make it very obvious that I am upset. When I am finished making my so-called point.

Then the best part comes up..I act like nothing happened.  So I kind of look like this...Still a baby (old self)

I get really uncomfortable with the tension and arguing, so I move on. Did you see where the old self came out and why?  It slowly creeps up on  you them BAM, you are throwing a tantrum. 

Ephesians 4:22-24
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."


Let what is dead BE dead.-See what the Lord can do.!!!
How do we walk it out with out the tantrum and keep learning?  I don't have the answer but I do know that he invited me into a season of new.  The verse from the beginning is the verse that I am soaking in.  Tonight, after my tantrum, I had to run to him.
 I was so sad, mad and just wanted to cry.  He gave me the second sentence...
"Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over."
What a sweet word from the Lord.  THE WINTER IS OVER (the old is gone) the winter rains (old behaviors) are over, gone! Spring flowers (new self) are in blossom all over.


This is where I desire ....in His presence, free and NEW!







Lord, I pray that my new self busts out the seams.  Lord, give me a new posture, new eyes to see myself and a new way of communication. I don't want to hurt the closest people around me, that's not my heart.  I hate that i acted like that tonight.  I don't want to be that old self.  I don't want to have the posture of a bratty child.  I am deeply wanting to take criticism from the person who really loves me and make myself better.  I deeply love relationships and have the desire to be transparent.  I desire to be the Wife that has a real and loving marriage.   The wife that listens, is patient, is kind, is loving and respects her husband.  I want less tantrums and more communication. Amen


By the way the person I threw the tantrum to, has a ton of grace for me and he is forgiving! Thank goodness!

Jesus, calls us to a new creation...I am accepting the invite.  Will you?

He Wants Only Our Heart

Song of Solomon 2:10-14

Get up, my dear friend,    fair and beautiful lover—come to me!Look around you: Winter is over;    the winter rains are over, gone!Spring flowers are in blossom all over.    The whole world's a choir—and singing!Spring warblers are filling the forest    with sweet arpeggios.Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed,    and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms.Oh, get up, dear friend,    my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!Come, my shy and modest dove—    leave your seclusion, come out in the open.Let me see your face,    let me hear your voice.For your voice is soothing    and your face is ravishing

Two years ago on Valentines Day gave me this passage.  It was after my abortion retreat, I was blown away.  I didn't really understand what it all meant, but I knew one day He would show me.  

I was at church last Sunday listening to John Wood and his teaching.  I look down and the card that this passage was in my bible!  I asked the Lord, "okay, what does this mean NOW?"

A little background:

This past couple weeks have been challenging.  A lot of change happening.  The Lord blew up a lot of what was comfortable to me, He took me out of certain parts of my life that I thought would be forever.  I was happy where I was, I was comfortable, I was content, but I wasn't where He wanted me.  Situations happened so quickly and wowza I was done with the season of comfort!  I kept asking and telling Him, what do I do now?  Where do I go?  Am I still a part of something? I don't think I can trust you now, I am NOT happy about this!

By the way He LOVES hearing your REAL heart, your real cries and your real frustrations.

So back to me at church!  I was reading the passage again, thinking to myself "why am I reading this."  He told me to only read the first sentence.

"Get up, my dear friend,    fair and beautiful lover—come to me!"

He just wants ME.  He has always just wanted my heart.  He will take care of all my concerns, dreams and hurts.  But for today He only wants my heart.  

He only wants your heart.

I think we complicate things too fast.  Simplify to one thought "HE ONLY WANTS OUR HEART"  The rest He will take care of.

He only wants me to run to him and focus on one thing-HIM, don't read on, don't skip pages, don't over analyze the passage and don't try to run in front of me.

The dreams and wants are on His timeline.  Of course, have the desires, but I will tell you when you trust and wait His timing is always better than ours.

Excited for the change and I will trust Him.