The old creeps up!

Old has Gone...New will come

Song of Songs 2:10-13

Get up, my dear friend (Alexa),  fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing!Spring warblers are filling the forest  with sweet arpeggios.Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed,    and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms.Oh, get up, dear friend,    my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!Come, my shy and modest dove—    leave your seclusion, come out in the open.Let me see your face, let me hear your voice.For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing.

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Why do we go back to the old? Old behaviors, old habits, old coping, old posture and old self.  When we fall back into the old self, something happens...Someone hurt us or we hurt someone.
When that happens we run to the old. It's more comfortable, known and familiar.
Tonight I ran to the old, I immediately turned into a bratty 14 year old who didn't get their way and shoved my feelings down to not feel.  If you can picture this....

That was happening to me on the inside and the person I was acting like that to would tell you I was acting like this on the outside too:(

Here is how it all started, like usual going back to the old looks a little like this.

Someone (very close to me) is doing something that makes me "feel" unwanted.

Then I feel insecure, then I try to rationalize whats about to happen when I throw a tantrum. Then the person asks, "you ok?" I say "Yup, i just don't want to talk about it" (famous stuffing our feelings line!)  Then I start slamming items around, huffing and puffing..My goal is to make it very obvious that I am upset. When I am finished making my so-called point.

Then the best part comes up..I act like nothing happened.  So I kind of look like this...Still a baby (old self)

I get really uncomfortable with the tension and arguing, so I move on. Did you see where the old self came out and why?  It slowly creeps up on  you them BAM, you are throwing a tantrum. 

Ephesians 4:22-24
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."


Let what is dead BE dead.-See what the Lord can do.!!!
How do we walk it out with out the tantrum and keep learning?  I don't have the answer but I do know that he invited me into a season of new.  The verse from the beginning is the verse that I am soaking in.  Tonight, after my tantrum, I had to run to him.
 I was so sad, mad and just wanted to cry.  He gave me the second sentence...
"Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over."
What a sweet word from the Lord.  THE WINTER IS OVER (the old is gone) the winter rains (old behaviors) are over, gone! Spring flowers (new self) are in blossom all over.


This is where I desire ....in His presence, free and NEW!







Lord, I pray that my new self busts out the seams.  Lord, give me a new posture, new eyes to see myself and a new way of communication. I don't want to hurt the closest people around me, that's not my heart.  I hate that i acted like that tonight.  I don't want to be that old self.  I don't want to have the posture of a bratty child.  I am deeply wanting to take criticism from the person who really loves me and make myself better.  I deeply love relationships and have the desire to be transparent.  I desire to be the Wife that has a real and loving marriage.   The wife that listens, is patient, is kind, is loving and respects her husband.  I want less tantrums and more communication. Amen


By the way the person I threw the tantrum to, has a ton of grace for me and he is forgiving! Thank goodness!

Jesus, calls us to a new creation...I am accepting the invite.  Will you?