War

The enemy will take you down faster than we can even see or know.  I am feeling a little sad, lonely and really loved all at the same time.  There is a lot going on in my life, on the outside I appear to be "good."   My community of sisters would pull the Bullshit card on me. In all honesty I am today.  Today is very tough.  I keep asking the Lord one question for some months now, I say that he has not answered, or I like to tell people that He has given me the answer that I really wanted to hear.  But last night it hit me, we this morning at 2 am.  I wont go into detail but I found myself in a position that I wish  would have never happened. I was at war.  When you "feel" you are doing well and everything is "right" BOOM it hits you, well situations you put yourself in hits you.  Lets be frank the darker the situation the bigger the God we have.  Driving at 2 am was the moment "it" hit me.  Decisions need to be made, where am I going in life, who I am surrounding myself with, why do I go back and put the old self on?  Through conversation with my sweet friend I am trying to find healing in all this.  I am not living like I am going to heaven, I am living in the posture He will not keep pursing me and finding His lost sheep.  Last night was gross, sad and a sense of overwhelming love.  He is with me always, He will find His lost sheep no matter what.  There is a decision I have to make and it is hard for me to swallow but needs to be done.  I don't know if today is it or next year.  I am on a journey.  Today I feel gross.  Tomorrow is a new day, new mercy, grace and choices.  Thankful for that. 
Today I am healing and praying for redemption.  This is our love story, trying to let Him be the author that He is.  Hard when I am being selfish and needy.

Lord, I pray for healing and for you to restore.  I pray that you open my eyes and teach me.  I love that I am your lost sheep.  I always want to be the lost sheep because  in all reality, that makes me need you everyday.  Thank you for being with me at 2 am, thank you for loving me and guarding me when I needed it.  thank you for praying for me even if you were saddened by what was going on.  I love you more and more.  Keep the enemy far way,  and keep me closer.  Amen.

Old to New

Ephesians 4:22-24

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Back in the day (I don’t know when!), when someone murdered someone they had to wear the body around for weeks.  How miserable and disturbing would that be, how embarrassing.

But, for some reason we wear our old self way too much.  When we took salvation we put off our old self.  The Lord has our old body, gave us a new one.  Why do we keep picking it up and wearing it?  For me I wear it because it’s comfortable, familiar and known.  He has called us into NEW, new bodies, new hearts and new minds.  Graham Cook said, “Feel Free to ignore the old self, because you are free!”

Let what is dead BE dead. 

Which self is doing the talking? Old or New?

Be overwhelmed on the possibilities on what the Lord can do.

Take a new nature to life or I like to say a new posture.  He has called us out of old and into new.  It is hard for me to understand sometimes, when the old self creeps back so fast and wants to “be comfortable,”  I am tired of settling to the Jesus that I used to hear about.  I am hungry, thirsty, and wanting more.  I want to feel His presence more, I want to rejoice even in the hard days (which are many), and most of all I want to know Him more.

All the negativity was nailed to the cross, I want to keep it there.

Lord, I pray for the spirit to awaken me, I pray for my sisters to feel the same.  Take my old body and leave it at the cross.  I want what you want.  Take me there, take me to the places you want me to be. I pray that when you take me to the hard places that I remember that you are working for my good.  I pray that I only listen to the Spirits voice, voice of the fruit and not my dead body. I love you and I love my King.  Amen

Love Story

Tonight I am going through the first journal that was given to me by my friend Kelly when I first moved here.  There are words and entries such as,
"I need repentance," "I am a loser," "I didn't realize how much He loved me," " I need to be saves of everything, I need Him every second of everyday, I need to repent EVERYDAY," "ask Him to talk to me,"I am broken refill me," "I am so stupid," "I want to leave, this is hard, no one told me this was going to be hard," "Sometimes I maybe like misery, its comfortable for me."

Then as I keep reading on to my other journal I read,
"I am your Bride and Beloved," "He WILL protect me," "Lord, Identify my worth," "I am made new," "He ADORES ME,"  and most importantly, "I AM FORGIVEN"

It is so encouraging to read my old entries, He has made me new, I am not stupid, I AM HIS BRIDE!
We are all on different journeys but we are all chasing after one thing, our husband, father, lover and friend, Jesus. 
He has called me out of my old body and has given me a new name.  When I first moved here I was scared that I would be different, you know, not fun, judgmental, and most of all a weird church goin' Tennessee girl!
The Lord keeps reminding me how much fun I am, even when I am dancing in my friend Lyschel's kitchen wearing her old dance gear (by the way i think we should bring it back!). 
I am loving, only because He is in my heart.
I am not a "church goin' Tennessee girl"  I am just a follower of the one who has set me free.

Sisters, grab your old journals, read your love story with the Lord.

I pray that we all will be encouraged by the awakening the Lord has given us, I pray even when the "old" remarks in my head come up when we feel like crap that He stands us up tall and speak out, We are His.  Amen.